© Heber Vega | Little Liam and his Mom

[March 17th, 2010]

In 1999, as a part of a trip throughout Peru, I had the opportunity to visit Machu Picchu (if you have never been there, you should go!)  It was an incredible time for me, because that was the year when I decided that I should leave Chile and look for another place in this earth to live. Anyway, in Machu Picchu, I also had one of those experiences that really affected the way I thought, and is directly related to this post. During my time there, I got know many interesting people.  One of them, a book writer and photographer, was the most interesting person that I’ve ever met.  He was working for one of the world’s best-known travel/cultural magazines (I prefer to not disclose details), and was in Peru to update one of his books about the Amazon and its people groups. My friends and I met this photographer while looking for a person that would take a group-shot of us. After talking to him for a couple of minutes and realizing how well he was handling the camera, I asked him what was he doing over there, what was his job?   To my surprise, he was a very famous writer and photographer who was 65 years old, and knew almost every corner of the earth. I remember how excited I was just to hear all of his stories from all over the world, AND to see that he was paid to do what he liked to do!  He, of course, was staying in one of the nicest hotels in Cuzco and had access to all the great sites because it was part of his book. After 3-4 days of talking about everything, I asked him, “Is there anything in your career that you regret; anything that you would change?”  To my surprise, he said, “ Yes, I do regret one thing. I’m old enough to know that the day is coming when I will need to leave this life and I regret not having a heritage to leave to this world; one that can continue with what I am, with what I believe, and with what I love. I miss not having a family.”

That moment is frozen in time for me. It was really significant to me. Here was a man with the life that I wanted to live, but with great regrets about family. On that day I decided that one of the things that I wanted to experience in life was to get married and have children. Now, after several years, I have found my partner in life and am blessed with two beautiful sons that are just incredible to spend time with. I cannot picture my life without them and I can certainly say goodbye to this world feeling that I have been blessed.  Anyway, this isn’t a post to tell you to get married, but it is a post to have us wake up to the fact that photography is NOT all there is in this world!

I have another story, not about a photographer, but a writer, and his wife is the photographer. He is known as one the brightest minds ever. He is classic Tolstoy. There was a time in my life when I was very impressed with Tolstoy and his writings; they touched me. I also admired his career and I wished I could write things as he had. I still admire him to this day. One day, however, I heard the story of his wife (a photographer btw) and I felt sad for her. Among other things, she has said, “All the things that he preaches for the happiness of humanity only complicate life to the point where it becomes harder and harder for me to live.” She was exhausted, being Tolstoy’s wife.  She was complaining about how her husband was “changing” the world through his writings while his family was dying because of his indifference.  Hard, really hard… this is another frozen moment; a moment when I realized that having a family requires you to sacrifice for them, to be there for them, to care, as you care for “humanity”.

We, the humanitarian photographers, have to think of the “humans” within our walls, within our family.

How does your family feel about your career? Are they supportive?

Are they excited when you get another assignment? Are they happy when you return from it?

One of the questions in the 10.Q series is about family time, and I put it there because mixing photography and family is not an easy thing, especially if you have to travel a lot every year. As a photographer, this issue is crucial to me; it’s of the utmost importance!  I have two boys, Caleb and Liam, and another baby on the way… so, I want to be there for them. I’m passionate about relief and humanitarian work, that’s why I do what I do. But most of the time I’m reminded to keep an eye on my family and their well-being.

My question today is, how can I keep a good balance? How can I maintain a healthy family while having a successful photographic career?

Is there any possibility for both?

Do I need to be resigned to having mediocre family time?

I don’t think so. That’s where I am right now. In fact, I got to the point I’m at so far, because of my family, especially my wife. Now, I’m not a famous photographer.  Maybe you are. One thing I do know is that some successful people have managed their careers + family very well. Some things that I’ve learned from them are:

• Be intentional about spending time with them. Don’t keep talking about yourself. Start asking about them, their needs, and how you can be there for them.

• Try to involve them in what you do. Seek counseling for your career with them. Let them participate.

• Put a limit on the time that you spend on assignment. Get to an agreement with them on that.

• Make evaluations about your relationships with them; a kind of AAR.

• Take them on your assignment if it’s possible.

If you are successful in sharing your love for photography and humanity, if they see it as something fun and good, then you will leave a great heritage to the world; your family. If you care for and spend quality time with them, you will have fans within your walls; you own family. Let’s learn from the stories today.

I want to recommend what I have recently been reading and listening to. Look further down and ask questions of these photographers. They would be happy to share more about these things:

- Gary S. Chapman: read 10.Q here (5th question) and Depth of Field interview here. He talks a lot about family and he does with Vivian.

- Matt Brandon: read 10.Q here (5th question) and go and send him an email, he is a good mentor.

- Matt Powell: read 10.Q this Friday (5th question)

- Scott Kelby’s book: “The Book for Guys Who Don’t Want Kids”

- Rick Sammon at famous Kelby’s Guest Blog Wednesday: “So my purpose in this guest blog is to hopefully inspire all those dads (and moms) out there who think that traveling with a child might slow them down in their quest for great pictures. It is also for couples who might be planning on having a child, and who might think that their photographic lives will be “over” if they have a kid. I’ve heard that, too!” Read more.

As you can see, I’m not alone in this,

Don’t forget to leave a comment.